chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
