just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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