there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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