The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
