eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
