Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
