MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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