so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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