So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
