Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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