so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
