Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
