is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
