What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
