Buhtt sex?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
