never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
