I will die if light touches me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
