Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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