I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
