my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
