we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
