hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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