it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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