Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
