I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She even gives head with a lisp.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
