Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
