i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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