the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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