Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
