I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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