You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
