upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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