Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
