I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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