dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
