No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
