I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
