She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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