dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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