Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
