My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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