I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
