So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
