you have to choose: penises or morals?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
