I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
