i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
