Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
