It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
