I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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