just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You are a genius and a whore.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
