I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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